The Next Dark Age

I took it pretty easy my last day in Toronto, mostly because I had a back spasm the day before and I didn’t want to push my luck. But before settling in to watch the Second Season of True Blood, I walked over to Chinatown and the Kensington market, which were very pleasant, and then I went to find The World’s Biggest Bookstore.

Rant 1: I was not impressed with The World’s Biggest Bookstore, particularly because after I walked out of it, I immediately saw its little brother which resembled Half Price Books. And they were both owned by Indigo, Toronto’s answer to Borders.

What I will give to these bookstores is they have huge – huge – science fiction/fantasy sections. Oh, and that used book store had more Ellroy that I have ever seen in one store at one time in my entire life. I didn’t recognize half the titles.

So. I still feel like Toronto is an awful lot like Chicago. Tim Horton’s doughnuts are better than Dunkin’ – though I didn’t try the coffee. Oh, and I tried Horton’s answer to the Munchkin and found them inferior.  So for the regular doughnut, Tim wins.  For a box of Munchkins, Dunkin’ Donuts.  Got that? 

Starbucks is everywhere. McDonald’s can be found, but pizza didn’t look promising. Everyone has a dog, and I was in the city for four days before I spotted any mess on the sidewalks. Public transportation is good, pedestrians are generally respected.

Rant 2: Oh! Except by the evil bicycle riders that are way worse than here. By that I mean the number that ride in the street but ignore the traffic signals and imperil the pedestrians that have the green light.

I hardly heard anyone with what I could identify as a Canadian accent. Finally, my Niagara tour guide said “aboot”, which made me very happy.

Rant 3: For the first time in my life, I saw a statue of a hero of the American Revolution – that was one of the bad guys. The bad guys! I refused to take his picture and do not recall his name. But that same tour guide was full of stories of the War of 1812. Some of it was interesting alternate perspective – like:

They didn’t teach us in school that the Burning of Washington DC was in retaliation for the Americans trashing the City of York (that which is now Toronto). They just told us the story of Dolly Madison grabbing President Washington’s portrait from the White House wall and running out the back door for her very life.

Apparently, someone is also planning some big celebration/re-enactment for the Bi-Centennial of the battles on the Niagara River. Tour guide was all excited about it. At about that point, I was all: “You guys know that you lost that war, right?” I didn’t actually say it.

Sorry to go all Arrogant American on you. Which leads to:

Rant 4:

The Ugly American Tourist. I am particularly self-conscious about that generalization. So when I realized that I was one of three Americans on the tour bus, I kept my mouth shut and made darn sure that I was never the one keeping people waiting. So let’s talk about those stereotypes:

You can always spot an American by the shorts and gym shoes.

B.S. The Brits, Australians, New Zealanders and Canadians were all wearing shorts. And not on my tour bus, but I saw several French-speaking people at the Falls wearing shorts (of course, they could have been Canadian). There were two people wearing dresses – a lady from Poland and a lady from Spain. Whose husband was wearing shorts.

Americans are loud and demanding and inconsiderate of others.

No one was demanding in the “I am paying for this and want my money’s worth” way. But it wasn’t the Americans going back for thirds at the Buffet. The British ladies were the ones shoving to get off the bus first at every stop. And it was the Spanish couple that kept the rest of the group waiting every. Single. Time. The rest of the bus was ready to go. In fact, the Polish lady once got off the bus to go get a beer because she was so sure the Spanish people were going to keep us all waiting again. “I’ll be back in 10 minutes”, she said. She got back before they did.

Americans are cheap.

Hello. I don’t know who gave what, but it was the Brits that neglected to tip the tour guide.

Now. Perhaps the Ugly American image is more about Americans visiting Europe. It would clearly be easier for a US citizen to blend in with Canadians. And it is easily more appropriate to expect everyone to speak English when one is in Canada. But I am taking this much less to heart than I did a week ago.

In the final analysis, I say: Toronto is a great place for a summer vacation. But boy, I wouldn’t want to be there in February.

Kind of like Chicago.

I took the subway down as close as I could get to the “harbourfront”, which in Chicago would be called “the lakefront”. I meant to hike over to the famous CN Tower, but my little guidebook said it would be $20+ to go up the elevator and jump on the glass floor so I opted instead to spend my $20+ on the one-hour harbour cruise, where I took this shot. Cutting off the top of the tower with my over-eager zoom button.

Then I managed some shopping and had lunch, at which time I remembered that my little guidebook also mentioned, several times, a Farmer’s Market on Tuesdays at Riverdale Park. I know how to get there. The little guidebook failed to mention that the Farmer’s Market doesn’t set up until 3pm. Glad I had a new book to read. It wasn’t any better than the Farmer’s Market in Glenview. Seriously, I completely understand why this is a fabulous thing if you live in the neighborhood – the produce looked great – but to specifically send tourists?

A Few Thoughts From the Niagara Falls Tour Yesterday:
Unless I really wanted to take a theatre vacation to the Shaw Festival, I don’t see much reason to spend a week there. Niagara-on-the-Lake is the quaint little town up the road with the B&Bs. It is charming, but so is Galena, Illinois. The Shaw Festival, and I seem to recall hearing there is some Shakespeare nearby, are the draw if I am going to get on an airplane and not go to New Orleans.

We went to a wine tasting, which normally makes me yawn, but this one was a bit different. The local college at Niagara Falls has one of two viticulture programs on the continent (the other being in Napa). What Napa doesn’t have is ice wine. I’d never heard of ice wine before, but it is freaking fabulous. The idea is that they don’t harvest until the water in the fruit turns to ice. Then they pull the grapes and press them before they thaw. They were literally out of the white from last season, so we tried the red. I don’t even like red and I could have had that all day. I nearly bought a bottle, but the bus was ready to go and who wants to carry wine home, anyway. But if anyone is headed out here, go for it.

Of course, the Falls were fabulous and the Maid of the Mist boat tour really is required. I am glad I saw them from the Canadian side. I can’t remember if those were my mother’s instructions or someone else’s, but thank you for that.

The tour company was Toronto Tours.  It was decently run and our guide was pleasant, but they really do cram as many people as possible into a mini-bus.  We had 23 on a bus that sits 24, which means that anyone that isn’t onboard with a partner is going to be getting very cozy with a stranger.  In my case, a twenty-something British smoker that smelled like he had taken the hair of the dog before making our 9am tour.  So did his two buds, sitting behind us.  He was wearing a shirt that said, “The Gun Store”.

If I had to do it again, I would opt for the 7-hour, as opposed to the 10-hour tour.  Part of the shorter day was a group lunch, which was terrible anyway, and one of the stops.  I could have done without them.

Also, I learned an awful lot about the War of 1812. Rant on that later.