The Next Dark Age
We're in it Now
A Vampire Christmas Carol, by Sarah Gray
Book 67 of 50 Book Challenge, Book 6 of Christmas Spirit Reading Challenge
Is there a name for this genre yet? The taking of a classic story and retelling it with a supernatural element? I actually hadn’t read any of them, unless you count Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter. But when you put vampires to it..
The premise of A Vampire Christmas Carol is that a prophesy says Scrooge is to be the father of the greatest of all vampire hunters. So the vampire queen starts screwing with him from the moment of his birth. Let his mother bleed to death in childbirth so that his father would blame him. Found him a wet nurse that would slip him a drop of blood every once in a while. And so on throughout school and his apprenticeship and so on. The fiancee, Belle, grows to be a leader among the vampire hunters who always knew that Scrooge was surrounded by bad guys and never gave up on him. It was Belle who called out to the spirits and sent Marley to Scrooge that Christmas Eve.
The spirits show Scrooge all of the familiar scenes, which now include how the vampires were always present and manipulating his life. Example: a school boy had planned to ask Scrooge to come home with him for Christmas. Then the schoolmaster – a total vampire minion – threatened his life. Scrooge did not get the invitation and the friend did not return to school after that particular vacation.
The ending is tied up a bit too neatly, but that is rather true of the original.
How Mrs. Claus Saved Christmas, by Jeff Guinn
Book 66 of 50 Book Challenge, Book 5 of Christmas Spirit Challenge
I read Guinn’s Autobiography of Santa Claus last year and enjoyed it, but I had no idea this existed. I stumbled upon it while browsing the audiobooks available for download from my library.
About the first third of the book is a preamble – telling the story of Layla’s life before and with St. Nicholas. Much of it is familiar from the earlier book. But around the time the Mayflower sailed, the Santa gang decided that Nicholas really had to sail to the New World so as to establish Christmas traditions before the Puritans snuffed out the holiday spirit for ever and all time. Layla stayed behind in London, where the Puritans were beginning to have their way with England.
Layla tells the story of how they invented candy canes and the Queen loved them. Then the Revolution came and Layla’s name was on the hit list so she fled to Canterbury. The Puritans took power and outlawed Christmas. Layla and her bud, Arthur (of Camelot) planned a great big Christmas demonstration in protest.
The climax of the story involves the baddies arresting our heroes a few days in advance. But behold, the demonstration happens anyway and that is How Mrs. Claus Saves Christmas.
I didn’t quite enjoy this story as much as the previous one. However, Guinn does a fine job of taking pieces of history like the Puritan Revolution and putting them into the fanciful context of Santa Claus. That makes these books worth reading.
Blankets 85 – 91
Again, I forgot to take pics of my finished blankets until I pulled them out of the dryer:
Three of them are just edged in Caron White – Toy Story, Bears and the MVP one on the far right. The one with the applique dinosaurs was a cream color from Red Heart.
The princess one is edged in a Red Heart yarn that I think was called medium purple. The solid brown has an applique of a farm theme, and is edged in Caron Sky Blue. The tan one in the middle has sports themed appliques and is edged in Caron Black.
I picked up a whole bunch of prepared fleece at Starbucks night this week, so I might post one more batch before the end of the year. But I have clearly gotten lazy with recording this stuff.
A Day With Ainslie
When my niece, Ainslie, was about a month old, I took her brother, Alex to the Marriott Lincolnshire for a “vacation”. We spent a night at the hotel and went to the children’s theatre the next morning. Alex hated the theatre.
Last weekend I took Ainslie, now age four, on a similar excursion. The first thing that happened was the hotel sent us to our room with a gift:
I am pretty sure this is what status gets you. Snacks + flat screen + coloring books = Ainslie is not moving. She wanted pizza from room service. People I would have started blogging right there, except the Marriott charges $12.95 for Internet. Ridiculous.
Our dinner arrived. She had the pizza, which was actually a flatbread with marinara and cheese. I had..some kind of pasta dish. And I ordered an apple cobbler to share for dessert. It came with one of those cute little cups of ice cream. So I ate the cobbler and she ate the ice cream.
By the time she finished, Ainslie was a complete mess. So she announced that she needed a bath.
A bath? I was not expecting this.
Me: Um..ok, Ainslie. There is a tub in the bathroom. But we don’t have any toys.
Ainslie: That’s ok.
Me: Well..do you want to take a shower or sit in the tub?
Ainslie: Sit in the tub. (walks into the bathroom and starts undressing)
Me: (turning on the water) Ok..do you want me to wash your hair? (pleasenopleasenopleaseno)
Ainslie: No. Just sit in the tub.
Me: (breathing)
I opened the hotel bath soap and handed it to her. By some miracle, I got the water temperature right and she told me how deep the water should be. I picked her up and set her in the tub.
Ainslie: We don’t have toys, so I will play with the soap until I am ready to wash.
Me: That is fine. Um..Ainslie..I don’t want to invade your privacy or anything, but I am pretty sure I am not supposed to leave children in the bathtub all by themselves. So I am going to step out, but you keep talking and I will poke my head in to be sure you’re ok.
She didn’t even roll her eyes. So then I texted my brother. Apparently, this is not entirely unusual behavior. And she was serious. I could see her getting all soaped up for real.
About the third time I popped in to check in on her, Ainslie said, “I’m fine! You go get my ‘jamas!”
Ok, then. She had a major fit of giggles after drying off, and when I inquired as to what was so funny, she said, “You forgot my underpants!”
Laugh it up, kid. I had your four-year-old butt into pajamas at 7pm. And because she had one of those nightlight on the ceiling toys, she asked for light out at 8:46.
The next morning, we came to the dreaded moment of What Am I Going to Do With Her Hair? My sister-in-law, Becky, generally pulls Ainslie’s hair off of her face in top-notch pigtails of some sort. I had no faith in my ability to set a straight part in her hair, let alone create even pigtails. So I attempted my first french braid in 20 years:
Not bad, but it didn’t hold. I wasn’t about to use product on her, and I made the mistake of braiding it while she was still in her pajamas. She was pleased with this pic, though. We got dressed and headed downstairs. I had been disappointed that the Marriott didn’t do
At the theatre, I held my breath a bit when she rejected our third row seats and said she wanted to sit in the back. Luckily, there were plenty of seats available. I had another moment, when the show didn’t start exactly on time and she started to whine. But when it finally started, Ainslie clapped in all the right places and seemed to enjoy herself.
The Spy Who Came for Christmas, by David Morrell
Book 65 of 50 Book Challenge, Book 4 of Christmas Spirit Book Challenge
The Russian Mafia kidnaps the infant son of a pacifist who has been gaining popularity in the Middle East. During the getaway, the American plant in the gang makes off with the kid. He ends up in the house of a boy and his mother, who had been beaten by her husband earlier in the evening. After smashing her face, the husband called the host of whatever party they were attend to claim their son was sick. Then he smashed all of the phones in the house, and took the cell phones and car keys with him. I mention this to establish that this is the kind of wife-beater that thinks of what happens next and attempts to cover his tracks in a way that suggests this is not a first-time occurrence. Oh yeah, and it is Christmas Eve.
In flashback, we see how our hero, Paul, came to infiltrate the Russian Mafia. Why he stuck with the job and why he finally blew his cover. He convinces the boy and his mother that he is a good guy and they take care of the baby while he starts setting booby traps in the house – he’s pretty sure the bad guys are right outside the door.
There is a big, long stretch where Paul tells The Christmas Story to the boy from the point of view of a spy. The suggestion is that the magi were really double agents. Whatever. I only mention it because this is the only link the book has to the holiday.
The story became really interesting when the husband showed up. He is a whiny-pants prick, but he figured out that the bad guys are the bad guys. Eventually. He helped Paul take one of them out. After the dust settled, we were left with the understanding that he had redeemed himself with this heroism.
The drunken wife-beater, with the presence of mind to smash the phones and take the keys so that she can neither leave nor call for help nor leave him…I was offended enough for it to have ruined the story for me.
DC Story I Forgot to Tell
A couple of weeks ago, when I was back in Washington, I did my FourSquare check in at National Airport. A few minutes later, I received a message from my friend Austin. He was also in Washington on business. We went to high school together, but now he lives in San Francisco, and I haven’t seen him in several years.
People, this is what social media is all about.
However, a couple of co-workers invited me to try a different restaurant with them, so I made plans with Austin for the next night and headed over to Founding Farmers Restaurant. They are all very local and green and stuff. I didn’t take any pictures, as I generally link to the ones on a restaurant’s website. So I am sorry to tell you that Founding Farmers is woefully lacking in that respect.
Happily, the food is freakin’ fabulous.
I started with the Popcorn of the Day. I realize that as a matter of cost, popcorn is always a rip-off, but if a high-end restaurant is going to bother, I am going to try it. It was a barbecue spice flavor and tasted wonderful. My more adventurous companions took the advice of some colleagues and has the dates wrapped in blue cheese and bacon. They were equally pleased.
I ordered the butternut squash ravioli for my entrée, and when I tasted it, discovered that Founding Farmers does not place salt and pepper on the table. I had an internal eye-roll moment before asking the waiter if the chef would have a problem with my salting my meal. He replied that the chef didn’t need to know and brought me a shaker. I have now forgotten what my companions ate, but we were all happy with our choices. (Note: Founding Farmers also has a Grilled Cheese sandwich on the menu, which I later found on a local list of Best in Town.)
For dessert, we could decide between the Seasonal Fruit Tart and the Red Velvet Cake so we ordered both. The cake was very tasty, but that tart was worth going back for all by itself. It came with a scoop of ice cream, so the three of us would have been perfectly satisfied splitting the one dessert.
Overall, an outstanding meal. I only wish it were walkable from my office.
Lucky for me, Austin had also been eating large “on the road” meals and was happy to meet me at my regular Noodles & Company for something simple. We spent three hours catching up without running out of things to say. He later noted on Facebook that with some friends, it doesn’t matter how long it has been, you can pick up right where you left off. Totally true. However, I sometimes worry that I take that gift for granted and don’t reach out to people often enough – thinking there will always be time. But that is a subject for another post.
So thank you to Pat and Kathy, who got me out to try something new. Thank you Austin, for paying attention to FourSquare and catching me on the spot. And Holly – I will see you next time!
The Christmas Gift, by Richard Paul Evans
Evans is the guy that writes the heart-warming holiday novels. I heard about him through Miss Busy, and saw him interviewed on CBS Sunday morning regarding self-publishing. The Christmas Gift is a modern-day spin on A Christmas Carol.
James Kier is a real estate mogul in Salt Lake City who wakes up one morning and reads his obituary. When I first read the back of the book, I thought this was a supernatural thing. In fact it is just a case of mistaken identity. Bummer. However, he goes on to read the web comments and they are blistering. So that was fun.
Kier asks his long-suffering assistant to make a list of people that he has wronged so that he can make amends. Hence “The Christmas List”. The story gets really good as he approaches these people one at a time: (SPOILERS!) First guy punches him out. Second lady is all forgiving, but notes it is far, far too late to make up for what she has lost. Third guy took the experience and turned into a bastard as big as Kier. Fourth guy was found to have killed himself in the aftermath of Kier’s betrayal. Fifth lady has fallen off the grid and can’t be found.
On the down side, Kier’s relationships with those closest to him are hardly explored, except for the schmaltz that dragged on a bit too long at the end. Also, Kier lacked the overt denial of his situation and the sense of peril that hung over the head of Ebenezer Scrooge – both of which made the story more frightening. The most frightening thing about this book was that it hit hard on the idea that people such as Kier really do exist, and succeed (financially) in this world.
The Rest of the Aurora Teagarden Series, by Charlaine Harris
Books 58 – 63
I said after A Bone to Pick that I really hoped the series would get better, and it did. The idea that there were so many, many murders in small town Georgia is laughably improbable, but Harris makes a running joke of it to demonstrate that she is in on it. It was a shame when the sheriff was killed, as he was the primary voice of “You, again?” whenever Aurora happened to discover a dead body.
In the third book, we have the realtors getting killed in the houses they are showing. That was kinda cool. In the fourth, Aurora and her new husband move into a large house on the outskirts of town that is famous because its occupants disappeared one day about ten years before. By the end, Aurora was renewing a relationship with the mystery writer from the first novel and her little brother – age 6 in the first novel – was a teenager that had run away from home. The latter made me wonder if Harris meant to stop there, or if these characters are still brewing in her brain.
Overall, quick, fun reads.
Besides the rest of the vampire novels, there is one more Harris series I haven’t read yet. Next year, I imagine.
A Christmas Homecoming, by Anne Perry
Book 57 of 50 Book Challenge, Book 2 of The Christmas Spirit Reading Challenge
Daughter of a wealthy country gent writes a stage adaptation of Dracula and a company of actors is asked to spend the holidays to put it on. There is a storm and a stranded stranger arrives at the door. There is a murder.
The story is more than half over before the murder and I must say that listening to a bunch of actors figure out how to put on this show was not all that interesting. So finally, in the middle of the night our heroine finds the body – staked with a broomstick or something – and rouses the house. By the time she leads them all to the body, it has disappeared.
So. Do y’all remember Clue? The movie. It has a stranded motorist that secretly knows one of the other guests and winds up dead. Oh, and it also has a dead body that disappears. (Incidentally, it is also the movie that originally introduced me to Tim Curry.) I couldn’t quite get over those thoughts so as to enjoy the reveal on Christmas morning.
It was fine, but I preferred the Anne Perry that I read last year – A Christmas Secret.
A Refuge Update
There have been two recent cases of animal hoarding in the Chicago area involving birds, and the Refuge has stepped in to help in the case from McHenry County. An good update can be found on Dr. Sakas’ blog through Niles Animal Hospital. Some of the birds are still in quarantine, but I met four of them earlier this week. They are relatively young and except perhaps Rose are not comfortable being handled. They are unsteady on their feet, because their flight feathers were clipped very early. However, they will grow steadier as they gain some confidence and the feathers grow back. Here are some pictures:
This is Mae, a female Eclectus parrot, and her boyfriend Solomon.
This is Gabe, a Congo African Grey parrot. He already does a lot of climbing around his cage, so I am sure that in time, he will be quite the acrobat.
And this is Rose. I believe her species is called Rose Breasted Cockatoo. She is the cheekiest of them all and has warmed up to several volunteers already.
Several smaller birds are still in quarantine, pending test results, but I will be happy to post when I meet them. If you are interested in adopting from the Refuge, you can find an adoption application at the website.
The Next Dark Age 