I was going to write a nice post with pictures of yesterday’s tour, but this morning’s time at the hotel pool changed my mind. I don’t spend much time poolside, but in this hotel it is the only good place to sit outside and read. All of these things actually happened, albeit not all on this same trip. So. The rules obviously start with No Talking on the Damn Phone:
- No calling your children. (“And what are you doing today? Mommy misses you!”)
- No bragging to your friends. (“You should see the sun right now! It’s gorgeous!”) (This woman actually made three calls in the two hours I was sitting next to her. I got into the pool to get away from her.)
- No ordering out for pizza. (Seriously. Dude had to call information first, then call the pizza place.)
In fact, the only acceptable reason to talk in a cell phone is an actual emergency. Even if you need to coordinate your little party, you can bloody well do it in the bar where you will be somewhat less disturbing.
Next we have the “No Bogarting the Chairs” rules. I arrived at the pool at 7:45 this morning and the pool opens at 8am. There were two other people sitting and reading while the staff was doing their chemical and whatever checks, but more than half of the deck chairs were already reserved with towels. Not even stuff. Just towels. Many of these people weren’t there by 9am. So. Anne’s Law: Unless you are actually in the pool, there is a 20 minute limit on holding a chair. More than enough time for running back to your room, going potty, or hitting the sundry store for snacks or magazines. Or making a phone call. Seriously, this is why some hotels are charging $50 to hold chairs for people.
- You will not reserve your chairs and then head for the breakfast buffet.
- You will not reserve a chair for your husband while he goes snorkeling. For two hours.
- You will not reserve chairs for your three friends – in fact – no one is allowed to reserve more than one chair. For up to 20 minutes.
- You will not reserve a chair for a friend that isn’t even awake yet. We know that you can’t go anywhere else until hangover girl gets up, but that doesn’t mean you should hold a chair for her.
Interestingly, the children seem to be the best behaved in the pool. They will share chairs, they try not to splash people, they share their toys with the other kids and they leave when they get hungry. Just one rule for them:
- No Marco Polo