What I Learned at the Pharmacy

My mother sent me to the pharmacy to pick up some Valium for the dog.

I will wait until you are done laughing….

So. I hate the way people bark (ha! bark) at those behind the counter, so I would normally step up and say:

“Good Morning, my name is Anne and I believe my doctor has called in a prescription for me.”

You know, complete sentences and stuff. I was too embarassed for such an exchange in this case, so I imagine I was looking all shift-eyed when I mumbled my last name. While the lady was looking up the order, I thought I should grab some Claritin for my mother.

She finds the order. “For Shadow?” she asks, loud enough for every shopper in the Plaza to hear.

“Yes,” I practically whisper.

“Any allergies?” Loud again.

I hesitate. I think…sensitive stomach…smelly fish oil for his coat…wasn’t that weird thing that happens to his paws called an allergic reaction…


“Um…not medicine, no. I don’t think.”

She puts the pills in a bag and I sign something while she checks with God and the DMV regarding the Claritin. Now that the druggies have required us all to report in to the feds for a damn decongestant, I make a habit of picking some up for her when it is convenient.

The thing is, it was convenient a couple of weeks ago, when I ordered some other stuff from drugstore.com. And I also purchase my own prescription Allegra. Long story short, the reporting took forever and my receipt said:


Apparently, I am banned for the rest of the month from buying any more decongestants.

Also? The Claritin costs more than the Valium.

What has gone wrong with this country?

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